The Business Plan That Had Nothing To Do With Me

An ex-boy-now-a-friend of mine was in town for a visit a couple of months ago and wanted to get together. Last time we saw each other, we were 20 years old and making lots of terrible decisions. As dramaticically driven twenty-somethings do. He ended up moving away for a job, we broke up and eventually lost touch.

During our visit we had a drink, caught up on life and talked about the future. He mentioned that he planned to move home again (my city) and wanted my help re-starting his business. We could be partners. I asked if his live in girlfriend knew about his plans and he said that she did, but that she would never move. It became obvious that they were on the rocks. Like, big rocks.

I figured the move-back-and-start-a-business plan was all just talk. Something we all do when we are looking for an exit from current life circumstances. Even so, we continued to discuss it after he left town. I kept checking on his commitment.

I’m sure you’ll change your mind, I texted.

Not changing my mind!, he texted back.

For weeks we talked logistics, timeframe and long term goals. As excitement grew, I began to think it could possibly work out. I allowed myself a measured amount of enthusiasm regarding the venture because I also knew that people rarely follow through with grand plans. This move-back-and-start-a-business thing was an obvious attempt to escape whatever shitstorm was happening back at his house. So I was playing it by ear.

Then everything went silent. He quit answering my texts.

“I’m not surprised,” my sister said. “People are shitty.”

“I’m not surprised he changed his mind, but I always expected him to tell me when he had,” I replied. “Not just play dead!”

(His sister has confirmed he’s not dead, by the way.)

For whatever reason, he’s not interested in dealing with the situation.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

People do weird things like this all the time. When I was younger, it used to upset me. I would get really wrapped up in figuring out the ‘why’ of it all. I’d take the disappointment personally. But now… now I just feel like people are complicated.

It’s not a personal thing. We all have our reasons. Our fears. Our insecurities. Our baggage. Our enigmatic actions are shaped by our own experiences and usually they have little to do with the people who are left wondering about them.

#Throwback Thursday: It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

Originally published 11/18/14

 

“There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.” —Jim Gaffigan

People think when you’re laid off that you have all the time in the world to accomplish all kinds of cool stuff. And, theoretically, you do. King of Queens’ Carrie thought she was going to read the Great Gatsby and catch up on assembling all of her photo albums. Turns out she mostly just played chopsticks on the piano and watched Dr. Phil.

Yeah. That’s reality.

I have all kinds of ambitious plans, but a few minor roadblocks.

#1 You’re supposed to be looking for a job. Time spent doing anything else seems complacent. You want to be able to tell people you have leads when they ask. And they will. Repeatedly.

#2 Or at least be worrying about looking for a job. You can’t really enjoy anything else you’re doing because you keep remembering you have no job. Images of Hannah and I living in a cardboard box flash through my mind as pages on my mental calendar fly off at an unstoppable pace.

#3 You can’t spend any money. Catching up with friends for lunch, taking care of long put off home improvement projects, working on your crafts, getting ahead on Christmas shopping—all cost money and can hardly be justified when mama ain’t workin.

#4 Turns out exercising isn’t any more fun now than it was when I was employed. I still hate it only now I can feel twice as guilty for not doing it when, clearly, I have plenty of time!

#5 Some days depression = frittering = nothing accomplished = compounding feelings of uselessness. I really wish I could go back to work just so I wouldn’t have to feel bad about not using my time off wisely.

I was going to add the events of a typical day of a laid off person, but eh. I don’t feel like it. Friends is on.

photo by memecenter.com

In The History Of Politics, Has Anyone Everrrrr Changed Their Mind?

I’m terrible at discussing politics. I get flustered and can never remember statistics or acronyms or what happened when. The opposition will pull elusive facts (?) I have never heard of out of a hat and me with no chance to google them. Under pressure, everything I know goes out the window and muttering, “I just feel like I’m right and you’re wrong” doesn’t really cut it.

So I avoid it.

But sometimes I will make an exception and talk to my dad about politics because a) I really want to know what he and his side are thinking and b) I know he won’t attack me. Unlike some people I know who feel that loud + rudeness = correct.

The other night we went a few rounds about Trump. Finally I had to just stop and say, “You think you’re right. I think I’m right. Everyone thinks they’re right. And everyone just wants the best outcome. Doesn’t mean anyone is evil.” Ok some are evil. But most are not. The opposition is made up of our friends, our family, our spouses and our co-workers. People we like and respect in our day-to-day.

As he was leaving, he said, “I respect your opinion. But you’ll see as you get get older. Most democrats are young.”

(In case you missed that, he’s saying democrats are naive, emotional, idealist do-gooders.)

I smiled. Challenge accepted.

Have you ever tried to change someone’s mind? If you have succeeded, I definitely want to know in the comments!

photo credit: no need to argue via photopin (license)

My Acupuncturist Wants To Know When Was The Last Time I Was Happy

A friend texted me about an acupuncturist the other day.

“She’s amazing,” my friend said.

I googled her and she did seem pretty amazing. She has reviews everywhere and they are all raves. I made my appointment and sped 50 minutes to the next city to make it to the (possible) headache cure.

Geriana asked me all kinds of questions. Then took a picture of my tongue and pointed out the supposedly telling information it revealed. It sounded like she was reading my palm…but it was my tongue. I wasn’t sure about any of it. But I wasn’t UNSURE about any of it either. So we continued.

“When was the last time you were happy?” she asked.

My mind drew a blank, as it tends to do when put on the spot. I could tell she felt that my hesitation proved her point. But in that moment of hesitation, I was really wondering what exactly does she mean by happiness? I guess that’s why you always see that quote “Happiness is…”. Because it’s different for different people.

Gretchen Rubin has a great book on happiness habits called “The Happiness Project”. It’s interesting to note that there is no one set of habits that makes everyone happy. We are all unique in our happiness requirements.

What does happiness mean to you? How do you make sure you experience happiness in your life? Let’s talk in the comments!

Meet & Greet|Meat & Greet!

Come join the friendly Meet & Greet over at Niki’s place! Introduce yourself and meet cool new bloggers. See you there!

The Richness of a Simple Life

Sorry I couldn’t help myself with the name of this week’s party… We’re having a barbecue! Bring your favorite sides and sauce! I have to admit I can throw down in the kitchen whether it’s inside or out! I’ve got cold drinks in coolers for you to take your pick! Grab a plate and make your way down the table full of food! We’ve got ribs, grilled chicken, shish kebab, burgers, I’m even slow cooking veggies on the grill! I’ll leave the sides up to you because I can’t pull myself away from the grill long enough to check the table full of side dishes!

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#ThrowbackThursday: Getting Old is Hell, Obsessing About it is Even Worse

Originally published 6/15/14

I do not know how to accept getting older. I would love to be laid back and carefree about it, but I can’t seem to swing it.

Almost constantly, my thoughts run in a loop. What if no one loves me when I’m old? What will I do when I can’t get around anymore? What if I run out of money? What if I have to go live someplace awful? What if I get cancer/heart disease/have a stroke? But most importantly, WHAT CAN I DO NOW TO ENSURE THOSE THINGS NEVER EVER HAPPEN?

At least that is way in the future. Short term, I focus on vanity. I spend lots of time pondering anti aging products, procedures and tricks. Examining my reflection, trying to determine my body’s next move and how I can head it off at the pass. Am I losing eyelashes? Are my pores bigger? Is my neck getting mushy? “Everyone gets old and gets wrinkles,” says my uncle. Uh huh, everyone but me!, I think to myself.

Not very Growing Toward The Sun-nish, but an impulse that is hard for me to resist.

I asked my sister the other day, “Do you think when you’re old and wrinkled that you just become attracted to old and wrinkled men? Or do you just go along because you have to at that point?” She said, “I think your tastes change. Just like you’re not attracted to 18 years olds anymore.” I don’t know. I might have to poll some seniors.

I pin everything I can find about health and nutrition and all of those anti-aging superfoods. I listen as Dr. Oz (who is really all over the map with his advice, but ok) explains inflammation in the body and how to decrease it. I make it my life’s work to do so.

But still, I feel creaky. My back goes out. My forehead wrinkles. My hair turns gray. My neck starts to…I don’t know what my neck is doing. But I hate it.